1. A recent study determined the most common job for a woman is secretary, same as it was in 1950. So congratulations on all the progress women, now go type this up.
2. A recent study determined the most common job for a woman is secretary, same as it was in 1950, except now they can vote.
3. Lindsay Lohan’s new lawyer, Mark Heller, said of the actress “[she] is a great beauty with tremendous talent and I believe that all she really needs in life is a little bit of luck.” That’s right, Lohan’s attorney is going with the bullet-proof defense plan of “a little bit of luck.” Enjoy jail Lindsay.
4. In a recent interview with Piers Morgan, Joe Jackson addressed his history of physically disciplining his kids by saying, “I’m glad I was tough because look what I came out with. I came out with some kids that everybody loved all over the world.” But if you ask me LaToya could have used a few more beatings.
5. In a recent interview with Piers Morgan, Joe Jackson addressed his history of physically disciplining his kids by saying, “I’m glad I was tough.” When reached for comment, Michael Jackson said … oh wait, yeah nevermind.
6. This week Ronaiah Tuiasosopo, the man behind the Manti Te’o online hoax, sat down for an interview with Dr. Phil. Or did he?
7. This has been a big month for Team Oprah. This week Ronaiah Tuiasosopo was interviewed by Dr. Phil. Last week Lance Armstrong confessed to Oprah. And don’t miss next week when O.J. sits down for a heart-to-heart with Stedman.
8. New Jersey Senator Robert Menedez addressed allegations of impropriety by issuing a statement denying any involvement with prostitutes, saying “she told me she was an escort. Oh wait, what? Same thing? Then yes, I banged a prostitute.”
9. Burglars in California targeted homes of L.A. Times subscribers who put a hold on the delivery of the newspaper while they were on vacation. In a press release, the L.A. County Sheriff’s Office said, “we are as shocked as anybody that people still have newspaper subscriptions.”
10. The first ever Barbie themed restaurant opened in Taiwan, because nothing says come on in and eat some eel noodles like an All-American blonde, who lives in a dreamhouse, has been fired from forty-seven different jobs and has a gay boyfriend.