1. A café where patrons can stroke a cat while sipping their latte has opened on the fringe of London’s financial district. Stressed-out workers see it as a way to unwind after a long day’s work, while single women in their late thirties see it as practice.
2. According to a new study, switching over to daylight saving time, and losing one hour, raised the risk of having a heart attack the following Monday by 25 percent. “What’s 25 percent more than 100 percent?” said Dick Cheney.
3. A man suspected of murder was arrested in Nicaragua one day after moving onto the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted List. “Dammit,” said number eleven.
4. According to a new study, adults hospitalized with mild head injuries have almost double the risk of dying in the following fifteen years compared to similar people with no history of head injury. Counterpoint: Gary Busey.
5. San Francisco 49ers cornerback Chris Culliver was arrested in California on Friday on felony hit-and-run and weapons charges. It may still be the offseason, but it looks like Culliver is already in midseason form.
6. France’s trade minister had to apologize on Friday after she was caught on tape saying that food served at a state dinner for Chinese President Xi Jinping was “disgusting.” But, in her defense, she is French.
7. A 1936 Nobel Peace Prize medal, only the second such medal to be sold at auction, has fetched $1.1 million in a sale to a private Asian collector on Friday. Proving wrong all those who said Kim Jong-Un would never get a Nobel Peace Prize.
8. Secretary of State John Kerry met with Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov on Sunday to discuss the crisis in Ukraine. Or, more accurately, Kerry talked and Lavrov tried his best to stay awake.
9. Residents of southern California were rattled by a 4.1 magnitude earthquake Saturday afternoon, the largest of more than 100 aftershocks following Friday’s 5.1 shaker. I know geologist are saying that these smaller quakes are aftershocks, but I’m not ruling out them being the Devil trying to send Fred Phelps back.
10. Today is Opening Day for Major League Baseball and somehow the Mets are already 32 games back and mathematically eliminated.