4. According to a report, nearly 2,000 appointed positions in the administration of President Donald Trump still remain vacant. Unfortunately, one of them is not president.
5. According to reports, Barack and Michelle Obama turned down an offer to compete on ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ Which, unfortunately means, neither Barack or Michelle can ever be the Secretary of Energy:
6. A South Korean developer has produced the world’s first Braille smartwatch for the blind. Because even the blind don’t want to be seen wearing an Apple Watch.
7. A man in Florida claims his pet dog accidentally shot his sleeping girlfriend after leaping on his gun. Although, I don’t know how much of an accident it was, since right before, the dog said, “No, no, no, now you beg.”
8. During his speech at CPAC on Friday, President Trump ripped the media’s anonymous sources, saying, “Let them say it to my face.” “I thought I was,” said one source talking to a rotting pumpkin.
10. A Republican state senator in Arkansas has introduced legislation aimed at removing the Clinton name from Little Rock’s Bill and Hillary Clinton National Airport. “While you’re at it, can you take my name off of that shit-hole too,” said Fiorello LaGuardia.