December 22, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. Steve Harvey, the host of the 2015 Miss Universe pageant, mistakenly announced Miss Colombia as the winner before correcting the mistake and announcing that the crown really belonged to Miss Philippines. You’d think the one thing Harvey, who has hosted Family Feud for the past five years, would be good at is reading a list in the correct order.

2. Steve Harvey, the host of the 2015 Miss Universe pageant, mistakenly announced the wrong winner on Sunday, who then had to hand over the crown to a very surprised Miss Philippines. Which is a much better surprise than what is typical associated with a “Miss” from the Philippines.

3. Sunday night, Miss Colombia was briefly named the winner of the 2015 Miss Universe pageant before host Steve Harvey corrected himself and said the real winner was Miss Philippines. But don’t feel too bad Miss Colombia, as with every pageant, the real loser was women’s rights.

4. Sunday night, Miss Colombia was briefly named the winner of the 2015 Miss Universe pageant before host Steve Harvey corrected himself and said the real winner was Miss Philippines. At which point Miss Colombia went ape-shit and had the Miss Congeniality crowned stripped from her as well.

5. The first Donald Trump-less Miss Universe pageant ended in controversy when host Steve Harvey accidentally read the wrong name. But there truly were no losers since, for the first time in years, no contestant was forced to sleep with Donald Trump.

6. Steve Harvey, the host of the 2015 Miss Universe pageant, mistakenly announced the wrong winner on Sunday. Begging the question, is Harvey in charge of the Republican presidential polling as well, because that would go a long way in explaining the frontrunner.

7. Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton on Saturday said that as president she would probably still pick out the dinnerware and flowers for state occasions and send her husband, former president Bill Clinton, on special missions. Missions like going out to pick up some milk, from which, Bill will arrive home, two hours later, covered in glitter and without milk.

8. Senator Lindsey Graham dropped out of the 2016 Republican presidential race on Monday. Graham’s resignation served as a great reminder that he was apparently still running for president.

9. Yesterday, Nestle announced that it will sell 500 gold-wrapped Kit Kat bars starting at the end of this month. So if you live in an house where all your grandparents are forced to share one bed, get a fucking job!

10. Yesterday, Chelsea Clinton tweeted that she is pregnant with her second child. In response, Hillary Clinton said she was overjoyed since that what the polls told her was the appropriate reaction.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.