1. On Thursday, First Lady Melania Trump visited a New York City hospital and read Dr. Seuss books to sick children. Presumably because some Make-A-Wish kid has an amazing sense of humor.
2. For the first time in its 130-year history, the Harvard Law Review elected a black woman as president. They broke the news to Attorney General Jeff Session by saying, “Harvard has elected a woman as president of Law Review, and it get’s worse.”
3. Scientists have discovered a way to grow human tissue on apples. Although the process isn’t pretty:
4. A group of Parisians, uninspired by the French presidential candidates, have collected over 43,000 signatures calling for Barack Obama to run. Said Barack, “I know I have that French birth certificate lying around here somewhere.”
5. On Monday, SpaceX CEO Elon Musk announced that his company will send two space tourists to the moon sometime late next year. “How are the schools there?” asked Melania.
6. Spain has appointed a ‘sex tsar’ to help boost the country’s low birthrate. We have a person in the U.S. that overseas massive increases in the nation’s birthrates too, we call him the commissioner of the NBA.
7. According to new research, if done correctly, sex uses all 657 muscles in the human body. Begging the question, why isn’t Tara Reid in better shape?
8. During his speech on Friday, President Trump called for an end to the media’s use of unnamed sources. But, in the media’s defense, sometimes things do a lot worse when you attach a name to them:
9. Saturday evening, President Trump tweeted that he will not attend this year’s annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner. Which is odd because, I’m guessing, he hasn’t missed many dinners:
10. Scientists in London have trained bumblebees to do a job by bribing them with a sugary treat. So there’s still hope that someone will be able to train this WASP to do her job: