10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. On Thursday, the Congressional Black Caucus endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. An endorsement that would have helped out a lot more eight years ago.

2. According to a new study, toddlers who speak two languages are better than their peers at solving particular kinds of problems. Problems, like “What’s the cleaning the lady saying?”

3. This week, the state of Delaware issued a formal apology for slavery to its African-American residents. The apology starts, “Dear Todd.”

4. This year’s Oscars gift bag will reportedly contain a $300 credit for personalized M&M candies. Of course, personalized Oscar M&Ms just means there won’t be any brown ones.

5. A man in Florida was arrested for allegedly throwing an alligator through a drive-thru window. Or, as it’s known in Florida, filling a formal complaint.

6. This week in New Hampshire, Bill Clinton told a crowd of supporters that sometimes he wishes he wasn’t married to Hillary. Times like when he’s throwing change into a fountain or breaking a wishbone.

7. During Sunday night’s Superbowl, CBS used a commercial to announce that it’s hit series “The Good Wife” is coming to an end. “Oh no!” said your buddy who was pretending to know stuff about football.

8. During Saturday night’s Republican presidential debate, Donald Trump shh-ed Jeb Bush. But, in Trump’s defense, he just didn’t want Jeb to wake Ben Carson.

9. Ted Cruz’s wife revealed that when he needs to relieve stress Ted calls her and sings Broadway show tunes. She revealed this information when asked by a Verizon sales rep why she needed to change her phone number.

10. The Turkish army has confiscated over 700 parrots trying to be smuggling into the country from war-torn Syria. Immigration officials became suspicious when every question they asked was repeated back to them.

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