10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Frank Sullivan, the co-writer of 1980s hit “Eye of the Tiger” has filed a federal lawsuit against Republican Mike Huckabee for playing the song at a rally for Kentucky clerk Kim Davis when she was released from jail. Sullivan is suing because he thinks the Baja Men’s “Who Let the Dogs Out” would have much more appropriate for the situation.

2. U.S. counterintelligence chief Bill Evanina said on Wednesday he was skeptical China had followed through on recent promises to curb spying on the United States. “Yes we have,” said a disembodied voice coming from somewhere.

3. Ride hailing app Lyft is running a promotion where users can get a discount on singer Justin Bieber’s newest album. Said a spokesperson for Lyft, “We’re trying to go out of business.”

4. This week, presidential candidate Mike Huckabee said that American should close its borders to Syrian refugees and “needs to wake up and smell the falafel.” Although, by the looks of Mike Huckabee, he’s been doing a lot more than just smelling that falafel.

5. On Monday, 74-year-old presidential candidate Bernie Sanders joined Snapchat. Bernie’s followers can expect a lot of messages about income inequality and a lot of pictures of the inside of his pocket.

6. One of Google’s self-driving cars was pulled over this weekend for driving too slowly. Upon seeing that the car was empty, the officer went back and searched his own vehicle for weed.

7. Runners who participated in last weekend’s Bangkok half-marathon had to run an extra four miles because race organizers did the math wrong. People became suspicious that something was amiss when the runners didn’t even have enough energy to insert the fact that they just ran a half-marathon into every conversation.

8. According to the U.N., 2.4 billion people around the world don’t have access to decent sanitation and more than a billion are forced to defecate in the open. It’s true, I saw a shocking documentary on this very subject where two girls were forced to share one cup.

9. Former “Jersey Shore” stars Snooki and J-WOWW have launched a new Youtube reality series called “Moms with Attitude.” Presumably because “Moms with HPV” was already taken.

10. Marvel announced last week a new line of adult bedding featuring comic book characters like Captain America, the Incredible Hulk and Ironman. Unsurprisingly, they only come to fit a single bed.

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