10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. President Obama has drawn criticism for a video that shows him saluting a Marine using a hand that was also holding a cup of coffee. Even worse, Barack wasn’t saluting the Marine, he was asking for a refill.

2. A woman in the U.K., paralyzed from the waist down, regained her ability to walk after getting breast implants. “Oh, she can walk now, I didn’t even notice,” said men.

3. Next week the Supreme Court returns to work and is expected to decide if statements made on social media sites should be enough to put someone in jail. And, if the social media site in question is MySpace, they’ll also answer the age-old “if a tree falls in the forrest” question.

4. Ancestry.com recently discovered that George Clooney is related to Abraham Lincoln. No surprise Lincoln had connections in the acting world, he had pretty good seats to that play.

5. Honey Boo Boo’s father Sugar Bear is denying charges that he cheated on his wife Mama June. Said Sugar Bear, “You told me animals didn’t count.”

6. According to experts, your medical information is worth 10 times more than your credit card number on the black market. But that’s only because your credit card number is already on the black market.

7. Over the weekend, a Czech zoo burned about 132 pounds of rhino horns as part of an international campaign designed to highlight the plight of a species being driven towards extinction by poachers. Although, I think it would have been a more effective protest if, before burning the horns, they had first removed them from the rhinos.

8. On Friday, Mama June and Sugar Bear from the hit TLC reality show “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” revealed that they are separating. Legal experts predict a bitter custody battle over who gets the deep fryer.

9. On Friday, Crest said it would no longer be offering pink mouth guards to NFL players as part of the League’s annual Breast Cancer Awareness Month campaign this October. But the company will continue to give them away for free to all NFL wives and girlfriends.

10. Basketball’s international regulatory body has announced that it will allow Sheikh, Muslim and Jewish players the right to wear religious headgear while playing. Because, apparently it wasn’t already easy enough to pick out the Jews on the court.

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