10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. On Wednesday, White House aide Stephen Miller argued that the inscription on the Statue of Liberty does not matter because it was added at a later date. You know, like Tiffany:

2. Justin Bieber is reportedly taking a break from music to focus on religion. “We would have been a lot more excited about this news ten years ago,” said Catholic priests.

3. President Trump on Wednesday called the Russia sanctions bill he signed into law “significantly flawed.” Although, by now, you’d think Trump would be used to putting his name on things that are significantly flawed:

4. A new product lets men seal their urethras shut before sex to prevent pregnancy. It’s perfect for any guy who’s ever thought: Man, condoms are annoying, I’d rather just put some glue in my pee-hole.

5. Yesterday, the Kennedy Center Honors announced their 2017 inductees, which included TV producer Norman Lear. And, as a tribute to Lear’s most iconic character, Archie Bucker, President Trump will appear on stage as himself.

6. A new study has found that nightmares may be caused by getting too much sleep. “Oh, thank god, for a moment there I thought I actually ran for president,” said Ben Carson:

7. Yesterday, just ten days into his term as White House communications director, Anthony Scaramucci was fired. Crazy to think that the most stable and secure job in this whole administration is as Trump’s wife.

8. Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer was spotted on a date Monday night with a mysterious blonde at Nobu. According to reports, the bill came to $570, no word on how much the dinner cost.

9. A Chicago woman is suing Greyhound for allegedly losing her luggage, which contained her mother’s ashes, while on a trip to Washington last year. Even worse, her mom was alive when the got on the bus.

10. Around thirty hot air balloons took to the skies in Italy on Saturday as part of what organizers refer to as the “most relaxed” event on the international ballooning calendar. Finally a day everyone can get away from the fast-paced, cutthroat, thrill-a-minute world of international ballooning, and just relax.

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