1. A 31-year-old woman has been arrested after spending several months posing as a teenage student at a private Texas high school. The woman was able to pull of the con for so long because being a chain-smoking sophomore with two children is commonplace in Texas.

2. This week, former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney said he supports efforts to raise the minimum wage to $10. But that’s only because he doesn’t know that $1 and $5 bills exist.

3. While speaking at a conference last week, Republican strategist Karl Rove hinted that Hillary Clinton may not make a good President due to a brain injury she may have suffered as a result of a blood clot in 2012. Which is why Rove supports a Sarah Palin 2016 run for the White House, because you can’t injury something you never had.

4. Actress Carrie Fisher has reportedly lost 40 pounds for her role in the upcoming “Star Wars” film. So it’s safe to assume this movie takes place in a galaxy far, far, far, far, far, far, far away.

5. Seattle police are looking for a man suspected of stealing a toilet tank from a Subway bathroom while workers prepared his family’s meal. Begging the question, where is this magical Subway that lets customers use its bathroom?

6. Yesterday, a Haitian orphan became the first person to be fitted with a prosthetic hand made by a 3-D printer. Said the orphan, “How bout printing me up some parents while you’re at it?”

7. Venezuelan doctor Jacinto Conuit, renowned for his development of a leprosy vaccine, died on Monday at the age of 100. Funeral services will be held this Thursday at the Caracas Catholic Church and, if you decide to attend, you may want to consider skipping the whole “peace be with you” handshake thing.

8. An elderly couple in Queens got married over the weekend after dating for 55 years. When asked what took so long, the groom-to-be-replied, “Why buy the cow, when you’re getting the spoiled milk for free?”

9. 111-year-old, New York City resident Alexander Imich has been named the world’s oldest living man. Imich, a lifelong New Yorker, said he briefly considered moving to Florida when he retired, but they hadn’t discovered it yet.

10. On Friday, twin girls in Ohio were born holding hands. Said the mother, “ONE AT A TIME!!!!.”