1. President Trump on Wednesday called the Russia sanctions bill he signed into law “significantly flawed.” Although, by now, you’d think Trump would be used to putting his name on things that are significantly flawed:
2. A new product lets men seal their urethras shut before sex to prevent pregnancy. It’s perfect for any guy who’s ever thought: Man, condoms are annoying, I’d rather just put some glue in my pee-hole.
3. According to a new study, smart people are more likely to stereotype others. Wow, this whole time I thought I was just a hateful bigot, turns out, I’m a genius.
4. The Natural History Museum in London is changing a dinosaur display after a 10-year-old boy pointed out an error. It’s crazy that at just 10-years-old you can already tell that he’s gonna be a virgin well into his 30’s.
5. Former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci told ‘The Huffington Post’ that he still hadn’t met his newborn son, eight days after his birth. “That’s nothing,” said Trump, “I’ve been told Barron is like nine or ten years old already.”
6. Former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci told ‘The Huffington Post’ that he still hadn’t met his newborn son, eight days after his birth. But, in Mooch’s defense, I’m sure he needs a little break from taking care of babies:
7. According to reports, Donald Trump almost played the president in ‘Sharknado 3,’ but ultimately the movie decided against it. That story again, the producers of a movie about flying sharks thought a President Trump was a step too far.
8. According to reports, President Trump is trying to impress new Chief of Staff John Kelly “by acting sharper in meetings and even rattling off stats.” Said Trump, “Did you know the human head weighs eight pounds?”
9. A man was arrested yesterday after he allegedly broke into a New Jersey home, took off all his clothes and began washing dishes. Which, coincidentally, are two things my wife refuses to do.
10. In a new interview, actress Sofia Vergara said she can’t do pushups because of her “gigantic boobs.” “Ditto,” said Chris Christie.