July 10, 2017 – Monologue Jokes

1. According to a spokesman, President Trump was “not aware of” a 2016 meeting between his son, Donald Trump Jr., and a Kremlin-connected lawyer who claimed to have damaging information on Hillary Clinton. And, I hate to admit it, but President Trump having limited interactions with his own son does sound credible.

2. Actress and writer Lena Dunham has returned her pet dog Lamby to the shelter she adopted her from four years ago. “She was just too yappy and needy,” said Lamby.

3. A groom was arrested in New York after setting off fireworks at the conclusion of his backyard wedding. That story again, a man was given a life sentence and then the police showed up.

4. Television networks are intentionally misspelling the names of their news shows to artificially boost their ratings. To hear more about this story tune into to tonight’s ‘Big Bang Theory with Lester Holt.’

5. According to reports, during their first face-to-face meeting President Trump pressed President Vladimir Putin about Russian interference in the 2016 election. Which really shouldn’t be that surprising since I can’t remember the last time Trump had a conversation where he didn’t bring up his election victory.

6. Amazon has designed an underwater warehouse to store goods which are summoned to the surface by playing sounds. “You’ll be hearing from my lawyers,” said Ariel:

7. President Trump’s first meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin, which took place Friday at the G20 Summit, was scheduled for thirty minutes, but lasted over two hours. Which either means the piss tape is longer than a half-hour, or they watched it more than once.

8. Ivanka Trump, President Donald Trump’s daughter, briefly took her father’s seat at a meeting with other world leaders at the G20 summit on Saturday. Afterwards, President Trump said he regretted the move, not because Ivanka sat in his seat, but that he wasn’t in his chair when she did it:

9. Last week, more Americans tuned in to watch re-runs of “Yogi Bear,” “Full House,” and “Friends” on Nick At Nite than to watch Anderson Cooper and Don Lemon’s shows on CNN. Which means most Americans get their news about the Russians from Bullwinkle:

10. President Trump said on Twitter on Sunday that, while at the G20 Summit, he discussed forming a joint cyber security unit to guard against election hacking with Russian President Vladimir Putin. Said Putin, “Alright, am I being punk’d? Where’s Ashton?”

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