June 20, 2017 – Monologue Jokes

1. Senator Marco Rubio on Sunday rejected calls to shut down the Russia probe and urged President Trump to embrace a full investigation. Although, that’s not the first time people have urged President Trump for a full embrace:

2. Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich reveals in a new book that Donald Trump thought running for president would cost about as much as a yacht and be “a lot more fun.” And, I can’t help but think, that we may have been able to avoid all of this if someone had just let Trump know anything goes in international waters:

3. Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich reveals in a new book that Donald Trump thought running for president would cost about as much as a yacht and be “a lot more fun.” So, if you’re wondering, that’s the face of two people realizing they could have had a yacht:

4. Energy Secretary Rick Perry said he doesn’t believe carbon dioxide is a driver of climate change, a view that puts him at odds with the scientific community. But, I can’t be too harsh, I have my own beliefs that fly in the face of mounting evidence, for instance, despite all the facts, I can’t believe that Rick Perry is our Secretary of Energy.

5. According to Politico, Sean Spicer is searching for candidates to take over the daily White House press briefings. “Good luck,” said President Trump, “I’ve been searching for your replacement for months.”

6. On Monday, Cuban Foreign Minister Bruno Rodriguez said President Trump’s speech on Cuba was a “grotesque spectacle.” “You think that’s bad, I’ve seen him naked,” said Melania.

7. A Harlem mom who was diagnosed with breast cancer, underwent a mastectomy only to learn afterwards she never had the disease to begin with. Said the doctors, “I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing, you’re completely cancer-free.”

8. The writer of the ‘Scooby Doo’ movie recently revealed that the movie initially received an ‘R’ rating. That crazy story again, someone admitted to writing the ‘Scooby Doo’ movie.

9. According to a new study, physical activity during and after pregnancy improves psychological wellbeing and overall health. Although telling a pregnant woman that she should workout, could be bad for your health.

10. Brooklyn’s Prospect Park spent over $2 million of taxpayer money to install four composting toilets, which will collect human waste that they hope can be spread around the park as fertilizer. That story again, homeless guys in Brooklyn not pulling their weight.

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