1. Pablo Picasso’s granddaughter, Diana Widmaier-Picasso, is starting her own jewelry line. All earnings will come one to a set.
2. You will soon be able to rent President Trump’s childhood home in Queens for $4,000 a month. Or, if you’re willing to spend a lot more, you can rent Barron’s childhood home, just make the check out to Vlad:
3. On Thursday, the Justice Department issued a complaint alleging that stolen money was used to finance and produce the movie ‘Dumb and Dumber To.’ “I know that feeling of having your money stolen,” said people who saw “‘Dumb and Dumber To.’
4. An off-the-record speech by Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull in which he mocked President Trump was broadcast on TV. Australia should be careful because Trump angers easily and Austria should be careful because he’s not that bright.
5. The White House has eliminated nearly 60 requirements for agencies to submit paperwork in a bid to make the federal government operate more efficiently. Because if there’s one thing President Trump believes in, it’s not submitting paperwork:
6. On Thursday, Russian President Vladimir Putin offered former-FBI Director James Comey asylum if an investigation is launched against him. “I’ll give you a list of great restaurants in Moscow,” said Michael Flynn.
7. A San Francisco woman found a bullet in a recently purchased avocado. Along with either a death threat or a recipe:
8. According to reports, the 2017 NBA Champion Golden State Warriors unanimously voted to skip the traditional celebratory trip to the White House. Although, just because you lose a vote to go to the White House doesn’t mean you won’t end up there anyway:
9. Rolf Buchholz, the world’s more pierced man reveled that he has 278 piercings in his penis. So, when he says he’s ‘polishing his knob,’ it may not be a euphemism.
10. KFC announced plans to send a chicken sandwich to the edge of space with a high-altitude balloon. “And so the chase begins,” said Chris Christie:
11. According to a new study, Taco Bell is one of the country’s healthiest fast food restaurants. “I was just ahead of my time,” said the doctor who’s been prescribing Chalupas for years:
12. On Sunday, Puerto Ricans voted overwhelmingly in favor of becoming America’s 51st state. Said Trump, “Sorry, Russia already called dibs on it.”
13. Former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney told reporters on Friday that former Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton encouraged him to take a job in the Trump White House. Specifically, the job of president.
14. The White House said on Friday that President Trump will visit Poland ahead of next month’s G20 summit in Germany. Said Poland, “Trump’s visit will be the most unwanted visit from any foreign leader in our country’s history”:
15. A hospital in Mississippi allowed a 12-year-old girl to help doctors deliver her newborn baby brother. Which, considering it’s Mississippi, was a nice glimpse into the 12-year-old’s not-too-distant future.
16. A Michigan man apparently upset because his food included onions, is now in jail after he allegedly threatened to kill the restaurant owner before exposing himself. Or, maybe, he was just providing the restauranteur a visual example of how to ‘hold the onions.’
17. U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers seized 150 pounds of meth Sunday, found hidden inside boxes of popcorn. Which makes sense, because you can’t get a popcorn kernel stuck in your teeth when you don’t have any teeth.
18. In a new interview, actress Lena Dunham revealed that her dad taught her how to use a tampon when she was fourteen. Or, as Woody Allen refers to it, date night.
19. The inventor of the Hawaiian pizza died over the weekend at the age of 83. He is survived by one slice of sausage, three slices of plain and a full, untouched veggie pizza.
20. A Brooklyn man allegedly prowled a Manhattan bar for drunk college students and then took them back to his apartment, where he forced them to smoke crack before robbing them. “God, I miss college,” said Charlie Sheen.