10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. A woman is reportedly suing American Airlines for $10 million after they lost her dead daughters’ ashes. Even worse, her daughter was alive when they got on the plane.

2. A self-proclaimed Nazi legally changed his name to ‘Hitler’ after losing custody of all nine of his children who he named after Third Reich figures. Here’s an idea, stop letting this guy name things.

3. According to a new report, more older couples are living together without getting married. No surprise, why buy the cow when you’re getting the curdled milk for free.

4. An MMA fight in London was called after a fighter continuously ran away from his opponent. So chalk up another ‘no decision’ for Chris ‘Can’t We Just Talk This Out’ Simmons.

5. A man in Britain intentionally slept next to his wife’s dead body in one bed for six days. Coincidentally, ‘over my dead body’ is also the only way Melania will sleep in the same bed as Donald.

6. Bill O’Reilly and Geraldo Rivera were spotted together at a New York Mets game Monday night. As a result, the Mets had to adjust how they normally do things:

7. Over the weekend, a porn star got bitten by a shark while trying to film an underwater sex scene. The director tried to warn her by pointing and screaming “hammerhead,” but she thought he was just giving her notes of the scene.

8. A woman in Colombia swallowed $7,000 in cash in an attempt to hide the money from her husband during a fight. He should kiss and makeup with her as quickly as possible, not because of the money, but because a woman with a gag reflex like that is hard to find.

9. Today is National Teachers Day, a day where people are encouraged to contact former teachers and tell how they changed their lives. Which is easy for the new French President Emmanuel Marcon, he’ll just repeat his wedding vows.

10. Pornography website Pornhub announced it will be giving away greeting cards that you can give to your mom on Mothers’ Day that turn into virtual reality headsets when folded open. That way, your mom can pretend she lives in a world where her kid doesn’t send her a porn card on Mothers’ Day.

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