May 10, 2017 – Monologue Jokes

1. On Tuesday, President Trump fired FBI Director James Comey. The timing of which many political experts called “very odd” and Hillary Clinton called “six months too late.”

2. Bill O’Reilly and Geraldo Rivera were spotted together at a New York Mets game Monday night. As a result, the Mets had to adjust how they normally do things:

3. The White House said they will celebrate the six-month anniversary of their election victory by releasing video footage of President Trump receiving a concession call from Hillary Clinton. Although, I’m much more interested in seeing the video footage from the other end of that call:

4. During the French presidential election last Sunday, a record number of voters turned in blank ballots, effectively throwing their votes away. Or, as they are known here in the States, votes for Jill Steins.

5. A Florida man standing trial for murdering his girlfriend, claims she accidentally choked to death while performing oral sex because he is so well-endowed, and is willing to show the jury his penis to back up his claim. Well, that’s one way to get a ‘hung’ jury.

6. A Florida man standing trial for murdering his girlfriend, claims she accidentally choked to death while performing oral sex because he is so well-endowed, and is willing to show the jury his penis to back up his claim. Florida, where flashing twelve strangers is not a crime, but, instead, a valid legal defense.

7. The National Basketball League opened its first academy in India on Tuesday. And, not surprisingly, the reigning MVP has the best selling jersey there:

8. Sheriff’s deputies arrested three people at a Florida airport on Monday after a large fight broke out when their Spirit Airlines flights were cancelled. But those three individuals got off easy, the people who weren’t arrested then had to fly Spirit Airlines.

9. French president-elect Emmanuel Macron mocked President Donald Trump in an election video where he promised he would ensure that France would keep its climate change initiatives. Said Trump, “Can I fire him too?”

10. Butler University has come under fire for offering an anti-Trump course that promises to teach “strategies for resistance.” “That’s outrageous,” said Trump, “Who ‘teaches things’ or ‘offers courses’ at a university?”

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