10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. According to reports, the first call President Trump made after the House repealed Obamacare yesterday was to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to tell him the “ball’s in your court now.” And, from the look of him, in his neck as well:

2. An Egyptian woman, believed to be the world’s heaviest woman, left an Indian hospital on Thursday more than 600 pounds lighter. Although, technically, she didn’t leave the building, they found it easier to leave her in one place and just relocate the hospital.

3. Yesterday, former Fox News host Bill O’Reilly lashed out at the “morons on cable news” for mocking President Trump’s Civil War claims. Although, they can’t be that moronic since they figured out how to stay on cable news.

4. On Monday, President Trump questioned why America fought in the Civil War. But, considering Trump’s penchant to sue, berate and name call anyone who disagrees with him, I’m guessing he’s questioning the ‘civil’ part.

5. Rock band the Eagles have filed a lawsuit accusing the owners of a Mexico hotel of using the name ‘Hotel California.’ While the members of Smash Mouth are suing the Days Inn because they weren’t paid for their last shift.

6. After being personally invited to the White House by President Trump, Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte said he may be too busy to visit. Or, as it is known here in the states, pulling a Melania.

7. A Fox News contributor said in a lawsuit filed on Monday that she was taken off the air after writing an article about a medical condition that would likely leave her infertile. Doctors say the condition can be caused by genetics or prolonged exposure to Bill O’Reilly.

8. According to reports, President Trump reversed his position on NAFTA after his Secretaries of Commerce and Agriculture showed him a map of the U.S. and pointed out the areas that would be affected. Of course, to keep his attention, they used this map:

9. President Trump interrupted a recent interview with Reuters to hand out printed maps of the U.S. detailing his electoral college victory. I assume, because the painters are still working on the Oval Office mural:

10. Molly, a Jack Russell terrier from Ireland, has undergone gender reassignment surgery after vets discovered she was a hermaphrodite. Marking the first time any dog owner has genuinely asked, “Who’s a good boy?”

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