1. Shigeo Tokuda, the world’s oldest porn star at the age of 82, credits his incredible sex drive to eating eggs every day. “So, I guess we’re getting rid of eggs,” said the guy in charge of the cafeteria at Fox News.
2. Yesterday, while visiting an affordable housing complex in Miami, HUD Secretary Dr. Ben Carson got stuck in an elevator. Not to be outdone, Secretary of Energy Rick Perry has been stuck on a broken escalator for the past two weeks:
3. In a recent interview, President Trump revealed that he gave the final go-ahead to bomb Syria while eating chocolate cake with the President of China. Trump said it was the hardest decision thus far he’s had to make as President but ultimately he went with the chocolate cake.
4. The customer in Florida who bought a salad at a local Walmart that contained a decomposed bat actually ate some of the salad before discovering the bat. So now he’s scared of bats and salads which sounds like the origin story for Fat Batman.
5. On Tuesday, Caitlyn Jenner announced that she underwent genital surgery in January. The weird thing is she had surgery to make it bigger.
6. According to a recent poll, Bill Cosby’s “Little Bill” children’s book series is on the list of books Americans most often asked librarians to pull from shelves last year. Ironically, requesting people to “pull Little Bill” is what got Cosby into this mess to begin with.
7. In a recent interview, actor and noted Republican Stephen Baldwin said he hasn’t spoken with his brother Alec Baldwin, who impersonates President Trump on SNL, since the election. But it’s not because of differing politics but because Alec has caller ID.
8. According to a new study, talking to your dog is a sign of intelligence. “Does yelling ‘Finish him!’ count?” asked Michael Vick.
9. A decomposed bat was discovered in a prepared salad at a WalMart store in Florida, That unbelievable story again, WalMart is now selling salads.
10. According to reports, President Trump is thinking about replacing his Chief of Staff Reince Priebus. Trump denies the reports, but it’s not a good sign that he’s now referring to Priebus as “Ivana.”