February 16, 2017 – Monologue Jokes

1. A Belgian minister arrived on a bicycle to a news conference to promote cycling on Tuesday, only to find the bike had been stolen when he left half an hour later. But, on the plus side, sounds like he did a pretty good job convincing Belgian citizens to bike more.

2. A man who changed his to Mark ‘I Love Spam’ Benson is getting married in the world’s only Spam museum in Minnesota. Just in case you were wondering what the opposite of a destination wedding is.

3. According to a new Gallup survey, more Americans are working out of the office as they push for flexible schedules. Yeah, no shit:
trump-maralago

4. On Tuesday, Taco Bell announced that it will start offering customers the option of getting married for $600 at its Las Vegas location. Its all part of Taco Bell’s new campaign slogan “You’re already at a Taco Bell, so what’s one more bad decision?”

5. On Tuesday, Taco Bell announced that it will start offering customers the option of getting married for $600 at its Las Vegas location. Or, and here me out, for free, you don’t.

6. On Wednesday, the White House announced that President Trump will not fill out an NCAA March Madness bracket. Which makes sense, I’m not sure Trump should be making any plans that involve him being president in March.

7. On Monday, in response to President Trump’s recent mishandling of confidential information, former White House photographer Pete Souza appeared to take a shot at the President by posting a picture of former President Obama speaking in a cordoned off area for security reasons. But, really, how upset could Trump get over a harmless, little picture? Oh, right:
trump-crowd

8. To celebrate Valentine’s Day on Tuesday, two couples got married on top of the Empire State Building. So keep an eye out for them four months from now when they’ll undoubtedly be getting a divorce atop the Freedom Tower.

9. According to reports, Warner Brothers wants Mel Gibson to direct the upcoming ‘Suicide Squad’ sequel. “What!?! That guy is a complete loose cannon!” said the Joker.

10. MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” has banned Trump aid Kellyanne Conway from appearing on the show. Conway said, “The ban is an infringement on her first amendment right and allowing such a thing to happen means the Bowling Green terrorists have won.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.