1. In a recent interview, President Trump revealed that he’s only sleeping four to five hours a night. Because after four to five hours his mattress tends to get too soggy.
2. Yesterday, while speaking about the legal challenges to his immigration ban, President Trump said that even a “bad high school student” would rule in his favor. And now, thanks to Betsy DeVos, that’s the only kid of high school student we’ll have.
3. The recently released memoirs of Judy Garland’s ex-husband, Sid Luft, claim the child star was groped by Munchkins on the set of The Wizard Of Oz. It’s beginning to sound like it’s a tiny hands thing:
4. A porn website is holding auditions to find a Donald Trump look-alike to star in upcoming videos. Which, I guess means, they’ve already found their Putin.
5. French presidential candidate Jean-Luc Melenchon has been utilizing a holographic version of himself to make appearances on the campaign trail. Said President Trump, “Can you send one of those to my daily intel briefings?”
6. Last night the New England Patriots took on the Atlanta Falcons in Superbowl 51. And, somehow, the winner was still ‘La La Land.’
7. Nissan is recalling more than 341,000 Altimas because the doors might open if a rear window is lowered. Although, if you think about it, do you really need a reason to recall Altimas?
8. A man who went on a Tinder date ended up alone nude and robbed at an Oregon motel after the woman took his clothing, wallet and cellphone. Even worse, she didn’t look anything like her pictures.
9. According to a new survey, Americans are increasingly less open to the possibility of their children marrying someone from the opposite political party. But I defy even the stanchest liberal woman to try to turn down the pure sex appeal that is Mitch McConnell:
10. The Mexican government reported on Friday that homicides in its country had risen by 22% in 2016. So, I guess they aren’t sending ALL of their murderers here.