1. A high school choir teacher in Oklahoma has been arrested for indecent exposure after performing a cartwheel in front of an entire class of students while not wearing any underwear. In a related story, all the boys in that choir who were altos are now baritones.
2. The White House said on Thursday, President Trump will honor an agreement with Australia to accept refugees although he is unhappy about the deal. It is the most begrudging ‘acceptance’ since Melania said “I do.”
3. According to reports, when President Obama and First Lady Michelle wanted to have sex in the White House, the Secret Service used coded language and said “they are discussing the Bosnian problem.” Not to be outdone, when President Trump and his Slovenia model wife Melania are being intimate, the Secret Service refers to it as “the Slovenia hostage crisis.”
4. It is being reported that Jared Kushner has lost seven pounds since Inauguration Day because his father-in-law, President Donald Trump, has been ignoring him. Which explains why Tiffany always looks so thin.
5. A California woman was arrested last week after she reportedly stabbed a man with a pair of scissors during an argument about a threesome. “So, maybe?” said the man.
6. At last count, Donald Trump has been named in 41 federal lawsuits since in his presidential inauguration. “Wow, even I think that’s a lot of lawsuits,” said Bill Cosby.
7. A spokesperson for Angela Merkel said that during their recent telephone call, the German Chancellor had to explain the Geneva Convention to President Trump. A task that proved to be very difficult over the phone because Trump couldn’t see the sock puppets.
8. The 3rd International Congress on Love and Sex with Robots is set to be held in the Netherlands in October. This year’s keynote speaker, as it has been every year, will be Ann Romney.
9. On Saturday, hall of fame hockey player Chris Pronger checked singer Justin Bieber into boards during a celebrity hockey game. Begging the question, can you induct someone into the Hall of Fame twice?
10. A student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison founded a chapter of the American Freedom Party, a white nationalists organization, on campus. That story again, someone looked around Wisconsin and thought, this could be whiter.