1. Today, the Obama family will officially leave the White House and move into their new 8-bedroom, 8-bathroom home in a Washington D.C. Or, as Donald Trump refers to it, their new 16-bathroom home.
2. It is rumored that Donald Trump’s transition team is paying seat fillers to attend his inauguration. Or, as Trump refers to them, “Tiffany.”
3. During an interview on FoxNews yesterday, President-elect said he doesn’t want celebrities at his inauguration. “Well, then do I have the band for you!” said the manager of 3 Doors Down.
4. The driver of a Tesla car was reportedly left stranded in the desert near Las Vegas on Saturday when his car’s control app failed. The driver said the hardest part about being stranded in the desert was that there was no one around he could brag to about owning a Tesla.
5. Monday night, President-elect Donald Trump tried to tweet at his daughter Ivanka Trump, but tweeted at a digital consultant in Britain named Ivanka Majic by accident. Even worse, this was the tweet:
6. British scientists have created a complicated knot at the molecular level that is 192 atoms long that could be used to make materials like Kevlar even stronger. Of course, everyone knows the strongest knot known to mankind is the knot your earphones make while in your pocket.
7. Taco Bell has added an item to its menu that uses fried chicken instead of a taco shell called the Naked Chicken Chalupa. You can wander into any Taco Bell, go to the counter and either order it by name or just say “I give up.”
8. It is being reported that President-elect Donald Trump will meet with Russian President Vladimir Putin on his first foreign trip as president. Now comes the hard part, picking the perfect bed and breakfast.
9. Actor Tom Arnold is threatening to release incriminating tapes of Donald Trump once he becomes president. And I trust that he’s telling the truth because no one knows more about releases that go straight to video tape than Tom Arnold.