January 10, 2017 – Monologue Jokes

1. During Sunday night’s Golden Globes, Meryl Streep gave an acceptance speech that was critical of President-elect Donald Trump, without once mentioning his name. Which was difficult because reporters kept asking who she was wearing:
streep

2. Monday morning, Donald Trump responded to a speech given by Meryl Streep at Sunday night’s Golden Globes that was critical of the President-elect. Said Trump, “Meryl Streep is an overrated actress, the child she didn’t pick in ‘Sophie’s Choice’ should consider herself the lucky one.”

3. Sunday night, pornstar Jenna Jameson took to twitter to denounce Meryl Streep’s anti-Trump speech at the Golden Globes. The two have more in common than you think, one is an experienced actor with three Oscars, while the other has experience taking on three Oscars.

4. While presenting an award at Sunday Night’s Golden Globes, actor Jon Hamm called the facial hair trend amongst the men in the room “a beard parade.” And then, purely out of reflex, Kelly Preston said, “No, I’m not.”
 
5. “Escape to Margaritaville,” a musical dedicated to the songs of Jimmy Buffett, is heading to Broadway in the spring of 2018. So if you’re disappointed that you can’t get tickets to “Hamilton” here’s a great way to add to that disappointment.
 
6. While reporting from the Golden Globes red carpet, “Today” show correspondent Jenna Bush incorrectly combined the name of two movies with predominately African American casts, “Hidden Figures” and “Fences,” into “Hidden Fences.” It’s like I’ve told you before, Jenna Bush doesn’t care about black people movies.

7. On Monday, Donald Trump’s transition team announced that the President-elect’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, will become a senior White House adviser. In the statement, Trump referred to Kushner as the son he always wanted.

8. In a recent interview, the number two golfer in the world, Rory McIlroy, revealed that Tiger Woods sends him texts early in the morning. Which can mean only one thing, McIlroy is saved under ‘Rory’ in Tiger’s phone and he thinks it’s a girl.
 
9. According to a new report from the Department of Agriculture, a middle-income, married couple is estimated to spend $233,610 to raise a child born in 2015. And, in unrelated news, Casey Anthony just bought a new Corvette!

10. A man in West Virginia confessed to shooting his semen at female shoppers at a local WalMart store. But, in the man’s defense, his job title is official WalMart skeeter.

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