1. According to reports, President-elect Donald Trump is considering formally turning over the operational responsibility for his businesses to his two adult sons, Don Jr. and Eric, but he intends to keep a stake in the business. Although, it’s probably best not to use the word ‘stake’ around Eric:
2. Yesterday, astronaut, former-Senator and national hero John Glenn died at the age of 95. I take solace in the fact that he’s in a better place now, specifically, not the US.
3. A sexually frustrated Indian man chopped off his penis after his wife refused to have sex with him for ten years. Man, that guy’s gonna be pretty pissed off when he finds out about divorce.
4. This week, Pope Francis declared it a sin to distribute fake news. So it sounds like it’s time for Mary to finally come clean about that ‘immaculate’ conception.
5. A new study found that being optimistic is linked to living a longer life. So, on the plus-side for Jets fans, it will all be over soon.
6. Yesterday it was announced that President-elect Donald Trump will attend this Saturday’s Army-Navy football game in Baltimore. Or, as MSNBC will undoubtedly report, power hungry Donald Trump forces different branches of the military to battle for his own amusement.
7. The US military this month will return to the Japanese government more than 9,800 acres of land it has held since World War II. Please be New Jersey, please be New Jersey, please be New Jersey…
8. According to reports, President-elect Donald Trump is considering appointed New York Jets owner Woody Johnson as ambassador to the United Kingdom. Johnson and the British can bond over losing to the Patriots.
9. Pornography website PornHub is selling an adult coloring book. It’ll give your left hand something to do while your right hand is busy.
10. The New England Patriots placed tight end Rob Gronkowski on injured reserve on Saturday, ending his season one day after he underwent surgery to repair a herniated disk. But, on the plus side, at least the reasons that Patriot tight ends are missing the rest of the season are getting better: