10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. At a rally on Tuesday, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump mistakenly encouraged his supporters to get out and vote on November 28th, instead of the correct day for the general election, November 8th. Which is not surprising because Trump has a history of forgetting dates:

2. A family who bought a local Philadelphia cemetery in 2010 is suing to keep mourners out. And, in their defense, there is still one way to get in there.

3. A barber in Michigan gives children a $2 discount if they read a book aloud while they get their haircut. And a $3 discount if they read “50 Shades of Grey” out loud, very slowly.

4. On Wednesday, the Hillary Clinton campaign notified authorities that campaign manager John Podesta’s Twitter account was hacked. While, once again, the Donald Trump campaign notified authorities that, despite recent tweets, Trump’s Twitter account had not been hacked.

5. Yesterday, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump tweeted “It is so nice that the shackles have been taken off me and I can now fight for America the way I want to.” So attention all women, take extra precaution to protect all grab-able body parts, because he now has a full range of motion.

6. FoxNews’ Geraldo Rivera said this week he has additional audio tapes of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump saying embarrassing things. For instance, in one tape, Trump refers to Rivera as “a close friend.”

7. According to reports, Iran has blocked access to over 700 dating sites. Forcing residents to get their 99 virgins the old fashioned way.

8. During last night’s presidential debate, after Donald Trump’s highlighted Bill Clinton’s sordid history with women, Hillary Clinton chose to respond by saying “when they go low, we go high.” Which I assume means she’ll be grabbing women by the hair?

9. Donald Trump issued an apology on Friday after the release of a video in which the Republican presidential candidate was recorded on an open microphone in 2005 talking in vulgar terms about trying to have sex with women using the phrase “Grab them by the pussy.” Said Melania, “You really lose something in the translation, it’s much more romantic in Slovenian.”

10. In a recent interview, Netflix CEO Reed Hastings said a Donald Trump presidency would be bad for the economy. And Hastings knows about bad business, he’s the guy who gave Adam Sandler a four picture deal.

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