10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Wednesday night, a candidate for California Senate ended her argument during a televised debate by dabbing. Of course history buffs will remember Abraham Lincoln putting the exclamation point on his debate with Stephen Douglas by doing the Stanky Leg.

2. This week, China unveiled the world’s fastest elevator. “Not if I have anything to do with it,” said the person who lives on the second floor.

3. According to a new poll, 45% of young people check their mobile phones after going to bed. “That’s ridiculous,” said Donald Trump, “Who goes to bed?”

4. On Tuesday, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump said his running Mike Pence won the “single most decisive victory” in vice presidential debate history. Which is true, because never before has a vice presidential candidate bettered his opponent and his own running mate in just one debate.

5. On Wednesday, former President George W. Bush appeared in a new TV ad urging everyone, regardless of who they support. Adding, “Every vote matters, unless you live in Florida circa 2000.”

6. According to reports, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton knew the questions ahead of time before appearing on Steve Harvey’s TV show earlier this year. As opposed to the normal course of business at ‘The Steve Harvey Show’ where guests don’t know the questions even after Steve has asked them.

7. Yesterday, the New York Post reported that a recently married couple in Florida have decided to remain together after discovering they are actually grandfather and granddaughter. Or, as Woody Allen refers to it, the next logical step.

8. In a recent interview, wrestling legend Ric Flair claimed that he slept with Halle Berry. Although, during his career he took a lot of metal folding to his head, so there’s a good chance it was Chuck Berry. 

9. Over the weekend, a man dressed like Rick James robbed a bank in Indianapolis. Or, more likely, a bank in Indy felt bad for the guy dressed like Rick James and just gave him some money.

10. An Australian-based artist has turned Disney princesses, like Ariel and Belle, into curvy, voluptuous figures. Said Frozo, “I like what I see”:

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