10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. According to the Department of Transportation, the fastest growing group of Americans behind the wheel are people over the age of 85. Although, they didn’t say how far behind the wheel:

2. A Memphis woman walked into her home this week to find two burglars having sex on her couch. Said the burglars, “Doesn’t anyone knock anymore?”

3. According to reports, actor Alec Baldwin will portray Donald Trump this season on “Saturday Night Live.” But if that’s true, who will play the role of future President Jim Webb?:

4. It has been reported that pop icon Madonna bought her son a Donald Trump piñata. Which is Eric and Don Jr.’s best bet for their father to finally show up to one of their birthdays.

5. SpaceX CEO Elon Musk said Tuesday that a self-sustaining colony of people could be living on Mars within 50 to 150 years. “Sooner!” said people who watch the debate Monday night.
6. Monday night, reality TV star Rob Kardashian, apparently angry at his little sister Kylie Jenner, tweeted out her cell phone number. Which isn’t that scandalous when you consider that it’s already written on most men’s bathroom stalls throughout the greater L.A. area. 

7. Puppets resembling presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump squared off in New York City on Monday a few hours before the real debate. No word on who was working the Clinton and Trump puppets, but I’m gonna guess the big banks and Vladimir Putin respectively.

8. After publicly supporting Hillary Clinton for months, reality star Kim Kardashian is reportedly now “on the fence” and is considering voting for Donald Trump. And although her vote remains unclear, one thing is for sure, that fence now has gonorrhea.

9. A woman in Ireland, who was starting a new job, recognized her new boss because he sent her a dick pic on Tinder. Begging the question, how lax is that’s office’s casual Friday policy that she was able to make that connection?

10. Last week, Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson said, if elected, he would shut down the Department of Homeland Security. Thus, leaving the entire country vulnerable to flying pigs.

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