10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. After her recent case of pneumonia, many are accusing Hillary Clinton of using a body-double to make public appearances when the candidate herself is not feeling well. Or, in the case of Chris Christie, a body-quadruple. 

2. According to a new poll, two-thirds of Republicans want to see Donald Trump’s medical records. While the remaining the one-third don’t want to take the chance that the records may contain pictures.

3. According to a new study, women would be better off going to sleep two hours before men. Unless, of course, one of those men is Bill Cosby.

4. A man whose YouTube channel is dedicated to covering various objects in tape took it to the next level by covering his parents’ home in 60 miles of clear tape. But, the joke’s really on him, because now he can’t get back into their basement.

5. The iPhone 7 is being advertised in Hong Kong using the catchphrase “This is seven,” but, in Cantonese, ‘seven’ is slang for ‘penis.’ Which doesn’t really make sense, because according to every Asian stereotype, equating seven to penis is very generous.

6. The 2016 World Chess Championships will be broadcast live and in 360-degree virtual reality this year. So viewers can get the real experience of turning around 180-degrees to watch something else.

7. Eddie Antar, the founder of the Crazy Eddie electronics retail chain known for its hugely popular TV commercials in the 1970s, died Saturday at the age of 68. But, for you, 67.

8. In a recent interview, pop star Lady Gaga revealed that she wrote the lyrics for her new single, Perfect Illusion, on a typewriter. Making it the second most antique thing she has ever collaborated on a song with:

9. According to a new study, the five-second rule is too generous and bacteria can contaminate food that falls on the floor instantaneously. “Yes, our research has determined that if you drop food on the floor, you should just leave it there,” said two dogs in a lab coat.

10. New evidence suggests that Amelia Earhart tried to make contact via her radio for days after her plane went done. So, add radio operator to the list of things Amelia Earhart wasn’t good at.

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