10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump on Thursday said he was against the Iraq War all along despite telling radio host Howard Stern in 2002 that he favored it. So, now, even Donald Trump is calling Donald Trump a liar.

2. The boyfriend of a 698 pound woman says he uses a funnel to feed to her in an effort to help her gain weight. Because, you know, it’s past Labor Day and bikini season’s over.

3. An AirAsia flight from Sydney to Malaysia accidentally flew to Melbourne instead because the pilot entered the wrong coordinates. But, to be fair, it still ranks as one of the more successful flights to Malaysia.

4. According to the FBI’s latest report, during her four years as Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton used thirteen different cell phones. And, only six of them were used to catfish Bill on Tinder.

5. Last week, Dr. Ben Carson accompanied Donald Trump to Detroit where Carson cut short a live interview on CNN in front of his childhood home to look for his luggage. Because, like a true Trump supporter, he became very concerned about his belongings once he realized he was in a black neighborhood.

6. A single mother in Texas dressed up as a man so her son could go to a “Doughnuts with Dad” event at his school. Said the son, “Maybe if you didn’t look like such a convincing man, Dad would still be around.”

7. Police say a man broke into a home on Martha’s Vineyard over the weekend, didn’t steal anything, but painted the resident’s dog purple. So maybe, just maybe, Prince is still alive.

8. On Sunday, Pope Francis elevated Mother Teresa to sainthood. Where she takes her place along other notable religious dignitaries like Saint Peter, John the Baptist, and Bishop Don ‘Magic’ Juan.

9. To celebrate their 100th anniversary, Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs set a Guinness Record on Friday by preparing 1,916 hotdogs, wrapping them in tin foil and assembling them in a continuous line at their store in Manhattan’s Grand Central Terminal. And, of course, I was the guy behind that order in line.

10. When speaking of his teammate Tom Brady’s suspension, New England wide receiver Julian Edelman said, “It’s like one of your buddies going to jail.” “Actually, you know what’s more like that…” said Aaron Hernandez.

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