10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. During a speech Wednesday night, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump said President Obama was the founder of ISIS and Hillary Clinton was the co-founder. Yet another example of Trump’s refusal to put a woman in charge of a company.

2. Asked what he would do if he lost in the general election to Hillary Clinton, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump said he would, “have a very, very nice long vacation.” So hopefully ‘nice’ means international and ‘long’ means enough time for us to build a wall.

3. A magazine has put out a printable PDF of Donald Trump’s hand print so people can measure their own hand size against it. “I did a similar thing last November,” said Joe Biden:
hand turkey

4. A new study found that single people have more fulfilling social lives and experience greater psychological growth than married people. That story again, stop stifling me, Karen!

5. According to reports, at least eight staffers have left the Republican National Committee due to discomfort over the party’s nomination of Donald Trump for president. And, as in tradition with these types of situations, I assume the first ones off were women and children.

6. Former NFL quarterback and current ESPN broadcaster Tim Tebow is actively pursuing a career in professional baseball. So we’ll finally have an answer to the question, what if Bo Jackson sucked?

7. While unveiling a new economic plan on Monday, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump was interrupted fourteen times by protestors. “Trust us, that doesn’t get his attention,” said Eric and Don Jr.:
protest

8. When asked on Friday, what women he would nominate to his Cabinet if elected president, Donald Trump suggested his daughter Ivanka. When asked which position he imagined her in, Trump replied, “usually doggie.”

9. Over the weekend, Donald Trump released a new attack ad depicting Hillary Clinton as an email-eating version of Ms. Pacman. Which is a ridiculous comparison because Ms. Pacman wears a bow in her hair.

10. An army veteran, who was awarded a Purple Heart after losing his leg in Afghanistan, setup a GoFundMe page to send Donald Trump to a war zone so he can ‘earn’ a Purple Heart, has already raised $50,000. So at least one Trump campaign is going well.

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