10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Eric Trump appeared on CBS This Morning on Tuesday and defended his father’s ongoing feud with the family of a veteran, saying, “What I think this country needs is a fighter.” And you’ve need seen anyone fight harder than Donald Trump when Eric goes in for a hug.

2. According to a new study, millennials would rather go online than have sex. This according to every 20-something-year-old girl who didn’t even look up from her phone to reject me.

3. When asked to comment on the Democratic Convention getting higher ratings, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump said, “I didn’t produce our show. I just showed up for the final speech.” If he didn’t produce it, I’d hate to be the guy who told him the lineup of speakers before him:

4. Yesterday, the FAA announced that a private company had been granted the right to build a robotic lander in Florida and then send it to the moon. No word on how the lander will handle the harsh environment and also what’ll happen once it gets to the moon.

5. On Tuesday, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump ejected a crying baby from a campaign rally in Virginia. Trump got annoyed because every time he talked he heard an echo.

6. Yesterday, a military veteran supporting Donald Trump gifted the Republican presidential nominee his Purple Heart. Now, if someone can just gift him a brain, he’ll have the whole plot to “the Wizard of Oz” covered.

7. Yesterday, while talking about the sexual assault claims against Roger Ailes, Eric Trump said his sister, Ivanka, would never allow herself to be sexually harassed by her boss and would raise any complaints with Human Resources. Unfortunately, families don’t have HR departments:
ivanka trump

8. On Monday, Goldman Sachs predicted that the United States and China will win the most gold medals at this month’s Olympic Games. Goldman Sachs is so confident in their prediction that they’re willing to bet your house on it.

9. The Navy has announced that it intends to name a new oiler ship after slain gay right activist Harvey Milk. Which is a real slap in the face to the sailor from the Village People.

10. A satanic after school club will be introduced this week in public schools in Massachusetts. Or, as Republicans refer to it, science class.

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