10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Under his four game suspension, New England quarterback Tom Brady is not allowed to even play catch with his Patriot teammates. Mark Sanchez is also unable to play catch with his teammates, but that’s just because he sucks.

2. Scientists in the U.K. have reportedly discovered a woman who can see 99 million more colors than a normal person. “You’re gonna wear that shirt with those pants?” said the woman to her husband every day of his goddamn life.

3. Disneyland announced that it’s iconic Tower of Terror drop ride, featuring an elevator that free-falls for 130 feet, is closing. So now, you’re best bet to get scared in an elevator is to date Ray Rice.

4. Norway announced an ambitious plan to install the world’s first floating underwater traffic tunnels. So I guess Ted Kennedy was just ahead of his time.

5. Baron Trump, Donald Trump’s youngest son, was seen yawning repeatedly throughout his father’s 74-minute speech at the Republican Convention on Thursday night. Here’s a picture of the unamused Baron from that night:

6. According to reports, the amount of internet searches for pornography in the city of Cleveland rose 184% last week while the Republican Convention was held in town. Apparently, after four days of speeches about the specifics of the Republican platform, those in attendance wanted to watch something less demeaning towards women.

7. A man in England shot himself in the cheek and posted the video online in a bid to launch his rap career. So I guess this one falls in the ‘Die Tryin’ column.

8. Over the weekend, the United States Olympic Committee announced that they will we be sending a team of 555 athletes to Rio for this year’s Summer Olympics. And, due to the Zika virus, plan on bringing back a team of 478 athletes.

9. A rare Amur tiger was killed at the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo during a breeding attempt this week. Maybe they would’t be so rare if you stopped killing them while they had sex.

10. In the wake of Democratic Party Chairperson Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump tweeted that he always said she was “overrated.” Although, to be completely accurate, he called her “a 6 at best.”

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