10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. During his acceptance speech at last night’s Republican Convention, Donald Trump said, “I will work to ensure that all of our kids are treated equally.” Adding, “This includes Ivanka and those other three.”

2. As part of her speech last night, Ivanka Trump defended her father by saying, “he is colorblind.” Yeah, obviously:
orange trump

3. Senator Ted Cruz’s wife Heidi was escorted off the floor of the Republican convention on Wednesday night as delegates booed her husband’s refusal to endorse Donald Trump in his speech. Fortunately, Heidi is used to uncomfortable political exits:
Cruz Elbow

4. Senator Ted Cruz was booed Wednesday night at the Republican National Convention for not endorsing Donald Trump during his speech. Which was a nice change of pace for Ted Cruz who is normally booed for just being Ted Cruz.

5. It appears that large portions of Melania Trump’s Monday night speech to the Republican National Convention were lifted from Michelle Obama’s 2008 Convention speech. So, maybe Donald Trump has a point, immigrants are lazy.

6. An episode of Nickelodeon’s cartoon “The Loud House” will introduce a same-sex married couple this month, thus making history by becoming the first children’ show to feature a married gay couple. Said a visibly irritated Ernie to Bert.

7. Nearly a dozen staffers from the California Republican party, staying at a hotel in Ohio for the Convention, have developed severe gastrointestinal symptoms that could be Norovirus. Or, more likely, the reality of the whole thing is beginning to sink in.

8. During Sunday night’s Kids Choice Sports Awards, Kobe Bryant was given the Legend prize and then immediately covered in gold slime. And, as everyone knows, there are only two ways to be covered in golden slime, win the Legend prize or bring Donald Trump to climax.

9. The United States Anti-Doping Agency has informed MMA fighter Brock Lesnar of a potential anti-doping violation stemming from a failed drug test. And I’m not saying he’s guilty, but the guy who broke the news to Lesnar was found torn in half.

10. An elderly couple in California say their grandson scammed them out of their home. But, on the plus side, now they can brag to all their friends that their grandson owns his own house.

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