10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. McDonald’s is set to take over Oprah’s old production studio in Chicago. Apparently there were so many old McDonald’s wrappers lying around that it was cheaper to make it into a restaurant than clean it up.

2. A DVD that was supposed to be a graduation video given to all 6th graders at an Israeli elementary school turned out to be a porno instead. So, no need for a bar-mitzah, you’re a man today.

3. A woman in the U.K., trying to sell her sofa online, accidentally included a nude picture of herself in the posting. Begging the question, what if Kim Kardashian has just been trying to sell us an ottoman this whole time?

4. Firefighters in Alabama had to be called to rescue a 15-year-old girl after she got her head stuck in a Barney the dinosaur costume. And even though this story involves a dinosaur it makes me believe in evolution a little less.

5. According to ‘The Washington Post,’ women in Saudi Arabia use bumper cars at amusement parks to practice driving. While men in Saudi Arabia use that game where you throw a baseball at a pyramid of bottles to practice stoning women to death for driving.

6. A “Golden Girls” themed restaurant is set to open in New York City. That story again, a morgue in Manhattan will start serving brunch.

7. Despite Hillary Clinton clinching the Democratic nomination, Bernie Sanders is still getting protection from the Secret Service which is costing the American taxpayer $38,000 a day. As a compromise, the government is taking away the 74-year-old’s Secret Service detail and replacing it with a Life Alert bracelet.

8. Tuesday afternoon, Democratic Senator Bernie Sanders walked into a Senate Republican lunch meeting in the Capitol by mistake. Even more embarrassing, it was 2 p.m. and he was looking for dinner.

9. On Monday, Tesla CEO Elon Musk revealed the new Model S car is also a boat. “I’ve heard that one before,” said Mary Jo Kopechne.

10. Last week, House Speaker Paul Ryan said he’d be willing to sue any president who “exceeds his or her powers.” Although he may not have meant it, I’m pretty sure wildly threatening to sue people counts as a Trump endorsement.

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