10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. There is a 4-month-old baby in China who was born with 31 fingers and toes. And if you think that’s bad, the parents’ previous baby was even more deformed, it was a girl.

2. It was announced this week that Paul McCartney, Bob Dylan, Neil Young and the Rolling Stones will all perform at a charity concert later this year. Their opening act will be a lady calling a game of Bingo.

3. According to sources, 49-year-old Janet Jackson is pregnant with her first child. The singer reportedly wanted to wait until the time was right to have a baby, in other words, once Uncle Michael wasn’t around anymore.

4. On Tuesday, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump accused rival Ted Cruz’s father Rafael of being involved in the assassination of JFK. Which is bullshit, because I’ve heard Rafael Cruz speak and there’s no way that man has ever stepped foot into a library.

5. Kylie Jenner said the dress she wore to the Monday night’s Met Gala left her with scratched legs and bruised feet. But that still doesn’t explain her rug-burnt knees.

6. A 19-year-old Delaware woman was arrested on Tuesday after police say she called her ex-boyfriend’s cell phone more than 300 times in one day. Said the woman, “I get one phone call, right?”

7. A helicopter carrying Kim and Kourtney Kardashian was forced to make an emergency landing in Iceland last week. Oh, thank God, I wouldn’t want a helicopter like that to go down without Khloe on board as well.

8. On Friday, CERN’s Large Hadron Collider, the world’s biggest particle accelerator located in Switzerland, lost power due to a weasel. You add Stephen Baldwin and that’s basically the plot to ‘Bio-Dome.’

9. The head of Apple’s marketing department said that iPhone and iPad names should never be pluralized, it’s grammatically incorrect. Which is not a problem for Microsoft’s Zune, because no one has ever owned one, let alone two.

10. In a recent interview, Republican presidential candidate John Kasich said gay people are “probably born gay.” ”Disagree,” said men who have gazed deeply into Ryan Gosling’s eyes.

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