10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. During an interview Wednesday morning, Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump said if he’s not the party’s nominee he thinks there will be riots in the streets. Because a lot of times it’s hard to tell the difference between a riot and a parade.

2. Earlier this week, Marco Rubio was interrupted by a heckler at a Florida campaign rally who accused Rubio of stealing his girlfriend. Campaign officials knew that there might be trouble when someone showed up for a Marco Rubio rally.

3. Lesbian love story “Carol” was on Tuesday named as the top LGBT film of all time by the British Film Institute. Which can only mean one thing, the British Film Institute hasn’t done a lot of surfing on the internet

4. More people on Thursday tuned in to the popular CBS comedy “The Big Bang Theory” than watched the Republican debate that was airing at the same time. Proving that people like “The Big Bang Theory” more than “Three and A Half Men”:


5. President Obama on Friday made a passionate case for mobile devices to be built in a way that would allow the government to gain access to personal data if needed to prevent a terrorist attack or enforce tax laws. Or figure out who Malia is texting.

6. A zoo keeper in the Netherlands was caught on camera committing a sex act with a dolphin. Said the man, “…then don’t call it a blowhole.”

7. On Monday, expelled Yale men’s basketball captain Jack Montague said he will sue the university. Montague’s legal brief simply reads, “Do you know who my father is!!!”

8. Scientists in Vietnam have confirmed a case of bi-paternal twins, twins who have different fathers. Or, as it’s referred to on “the Maury Povich Show,” the holy grail.

9. Last week, detectives uncovered a $10 million Brooklyn drug operation when they stopped a U-Haul truck stuffed with hundreds of pounds of marijuana. Authorities became suspicious when all the driver’s friends offered to help him move.

10. A picture has been making the rounds on the internet showing a young lady with a knee that looks like the face of CBS’s “Late Late Show” host James Corden. “I will straight up Tonya Harding that bitch,” said Craig Ferguson.

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