10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. On Wednesday, the IOC announced that a team comprised solely of refugees will compete in this year’s Summer Olympics. Donald Trump said he will use the refugees’ results in the pole vault to determine how tall to build the wall.

2. A wearable robotic limb that allows drummers to play their kit with three arms has been invented by researchers. The inventors got the idea for a third arm by watching a video of Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee, one specific video.

3. An Ohio man who killed his roommate and ate part of his brain almost 40 years ago was denied parole for the sixth time. And no one was more disappointed by the decision than his current cellmate.

4. On Tuesday, Donald Trump Jr., the son of Donald Trump, appeared on a white supremacist radio talk show. Afterwhich, an apology was immediately issued reading, “Sorry we couldn’t book a better guest.”

5. Over the weekend, a woman attempted to board a flight at Baltimore-Washington International Airpot with gun-themed shoes. “You had me at ‘gun-themed’ and lost me at ‘shoes,’” said Oscar Pistorius.

6. Yesterday, a 4-year old Australian boy intrigued by a packet of Oreos was freed after his arm was stuck for hours from the first vending machine he’d ever seen in his entire life. “Whoa, whoa, back up, what happened to the Oreos?” said Chris Christie.

7. According to a new study, women in many U.S. states are given misleading information in state-issued brochures when they seek abortions. Specifically, the brochure entitled “So You’re Going to Hell.”

8. According to a new survey, more young voters would rather have a meal with Bernie Sanders than Beyonce. So, hope you like herring with a side of schmaltz, kids.

9. MAC Cosmetics announced on Friday that it is partnering with Caitlyn Jenner to develop a make-up line. So you know that line is gonna have one hell of a concealer.

10. In a campaign speech in Georgia on Saturday, presidential candidate Marco Rubio said Donald Trump “should sue whoever did that to his face.” Presumably because Rubio ran out of ‘Yo Mama’ jokes.

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