1. Over the weekend, winter storm Jonas dropped over two feet of snow on New York City. After the blizzard, the city was so white it was nominated for an Oscar.
2. On Friday, Donald Trump retweeted a neo-Nazi Twitter account. “My mistake, I don’t want to be associated with that kind of hatred,” said the neo-Nazi Twitter account.
3. According to a new poll, nearly 10% of college graduates believe Judith Sheindlin, also known as Judge Judy, serves on the Supreme Court. But, on the plus-side, 10% of college graduates have heard of the Supreme Court.
4. ISIS is reportedly going through some financial troubles and, as a result, are cutting salaries of its members by 50%. So now it’s only 36 virgins.
5. Saudi’s grand mufti, the kingdom’s top cleric, said chess and similar games are “forbidden” in Islam because they’re a form of gambling. Which means Saudi Arabia is the only place in the world where the chess team is comprised solely of bad-boys and outlaws.
6. On Saturday, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump said he “could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot someone and not lose any votes.” Or, as it’s more commonly known, pulling a Cheney.
7. On Saturday, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump said he “could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot someone and not lose any votes.” And, in related news, Jeb Bush is now avoiding Fifth Avenue.
8. Sunday was National Compliment Day. That story again, yesterday was National Compliment Day, you fat sack of shit.
9. Music icon Cher said recently, “Donald Trump can’t come up with a hairstyle that looks human, how can he come up with a plan to defeat ISIS?” Which is weird, because with logic skills like that, you’d think that Trump would be the perfect candidate for her.
10. According to reports, former New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg is seriously considering a third-party run for the presidency. Political experts are calling it the most expensive way to hear what Donald Trump really thinks about you.