10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. A German meals-on-wheels charity apologized this week after serving three senior citizens dog food that was incorrectly labeled as venison. But, on the plus-side, Nana’s coat has never looked so shiny.

2. A Pennsylvania man who traveled to Arizona to have sex with a horse before being nabbed by undercover police was sentenced on Thursday to 18 months probation. “Only 18-months probation!?! That definitely wasn’t worth it,” said the undercover cop who was in the back part of the horse costume.

3. South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley told Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump not to take the criticism she offered up in her Republican response to the State of the Union address personally. In response, Trump said, “He would never take attacks from a complete slut personally.”

4. Ahead of its season premiere on HBO, “Sesame Street” announced some changes to the long-running kids show, including Elmo moving into a Brooklyn-style brownstone. Which means, when Cookie Monster comes to visit, it will be the first time a monster has been in a Brooklyn brownstone since “the Cosby Show” went off the air.

5. Former Olympic downhill-skier Picabo Street was charged with assault and domestic violence after allegedly pushing her elderly father down a flight of stairs in December. Even worse, he missed two gates on the way down.

6. In an interview yesterday, President Obama joked he could envision Donald Trump giving a State of the Union speech, “in a ‘Saturday Night’ skit.” Obama also said he could envision Rand Paul “living in a van down by the river.”

7. English doctors staged their first strike in 40 years on Tuesday over government plans to reform pay. While English dentists’ 200 year strike is still going strong.

8. The world famous Playboy Mansion is up for sale. Interestingly, every room is decorated with curtains, but no carpet.

9. 84-year-old billionaire CEO Rupert Murdoch and 59-year-old former model Jerry Hall announced their engagement yesterday. Murdoch got down on one knee, popped the question and then pressed his Life Alert button to call someone to help him get back up.

10. Demand for the first edition of Hitler’s “Mein Kampf” to be printed in Germany since his death have surprised the publisher, with orders out-numbering books by 4 to 1. Those unable to get their hands on a copy of “Mein Kampf” will be forced to settle for a copy of Donald Trump’s “Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again.”

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