10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. According to a new study, an increase in the frequency of viewing pornography leads to a decrease in motivation amongst men. Which explains, why, most days, Hugh Hefner doesn’t even get out of his pajamas.

2. On Wednesday, Republican presidential hopeful Ted Cruz told a young undocumented immigrant in Iowa that there are “consequences” for violating laws. Said the immigrant, “I live in Iowa now, isn’t that consequence enough?”

3. A Spanish company has invented a speaker that is designed to be inserted into the vagina of a pregnant woman to stimulate her unborn baby. Although, it doesn’t work for everyone, for instance, in Octomom, there’s too much echoing.

4. Estrella, a one-and-a-half-year-old mutt who was born without her two front legs, has gained celebrity status in the small Peruvian town of Tinga Maria by hopping around. “Trust me, the novelty wears off,” said Paul McCartney, ex-husband of Heather Mills.

5. Atlanta Falcons running-back Tevin Coleman suffered a concussion after slipping in the shower. “That’s why I always advocated a buddy system in the team showers,” said Jerry Sandusky.

6. British astronaut Tim Peake, who is stationed on the International Space Station in orbit above Earth, attempted to call home, but accidentally dialed the wrong number. Even worse, especially for the person on the other end of the line, he called collect.

7. Last week, Harlem Globetrotter great Meadowlark Lemon died at the age of 83. As per his request, he will be cremated, his ashes put in a bucket, secretly switched with a buck of water and thrown onto a lucky fan sitting courtside.

8. A South African lion named Brutus who fathered three “miracle” cubs despite having had a vasectomy in his youth is going back to the vet to have the operation a second time. As a result, zookeepers have changed Brutus’s named to Kevin Federlion.

9. Last week, a Dutch court decided that a woman who won a $2.3 million lottery during a divorce has no obligation to share it with her ex-husband. Said her husband, “I meant reconcilable.”

10. Just days after being charged with sexual assault, embattled comedian Bill Cosby tweeted out “Friends and fans, thank You.” Although, I’m not sure he needed to pluralize those words.

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