10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Tuesday night’s Republican presidential debate drew 18 million viewers, beating the season finale of “The Voice.” Which I would say is a great sign for this country if I didn’t know who was leading in the Republican polls.

2. BMW is recalling its “Baby Racer” ride-on children’s toy car because a sticker showing the brand’s logo could be peeled off the steering wheel and choke toddlers. Although, if your toddler is so douchey that he’s already driving a BMW, maybe that’s for the best.

3. According to a new poll, Newark International Airport is the country’s least favorite airport. Unless, of course, you’re using it to fly out of New Jersey, then it’s the best.

4. Kentucky Senator Rand Paul is trailing in Republican presidential polls but he had a strong showing among millennials on social media during Tuesday night’s debate. Millennials said they identify with Paul because, he won’t get that job he’s applying for either.

5. David Frei, the longtime co-host of New York’s Westminster Kennel Club dog show, announced on Wednesday that he will step down this year. But, to soften the blow, they’ll just tell the dogs he went to live on a farm upstate.

6. A company on Amazon has started selling Star Wars-themed condoms. The condoms are called, “Luke, I’m not you’re father.”

7. According to a new study, many parents don’t realize when their children are overweight. “Don’t worry, we’ll tell them,” said bullies.

8. Handbags, clothes and jewelry owned by the late British prime minister Margaret Thatcher went on sale yesterday. “Where can I bid on those?” said presidential candidates Hillary Clinton, Carly Fiorina, and Lindsey Graham.

9. According to the Pentagon, A mine-detection system the U.S. Navy invested nearly $700 million and 16 years in developing can’t complete its most basic functions. Forcing the Navy to go with its back-up plan, teaching bomb-sniffing dogs to swim.

10. The University of Vermont has announced that it will offer a course in the science of marijuana. The way it works is, if you remember to show up for class, you fail.

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