10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Donald Trump said Thursday he will release a doctor’s note within two weeks that will show he is the image of “perfection” with regards to his health. While fellow presidential candidate Chris Christie said in two weeks he will release his doctor’s suicide note.

2. A new study found that people are more likely to be rude if they witness rudeness from someone else. So good luck getting anyone to hold the door for you at a Trump rally.

3. Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump said on Wednesday his plan for fighting ISIS involves targeting not just the group’s fighters but also their families. “It’s not fair to clump people together just because they are or were related to a monster,” said Marla Maples.

4. Starting this week, fans of “A Christmas Story” will have the chance to bid for the right to celebrate the season by staying in the Cleveland house made famous by the popular 1983 holiday film. But, as a reminder, not going to Cleveland still remains free.

5. Disability advocates are in an uproar over a photo-spread of Kylie Jenner which contained pictures of her posing in a wheelchair appeared online on Tuesday. Which is surprising, since, according to the tabloids, she has no problem “getting around town.”

6. The skull of the black bear that inspired the children’s books “Winnie-the-Pooh” has gone on display for the first time ever at the London Zoo. So, if you’re children love Winnie-the-Pooh and you hate your children…

7. Justin Bieber stormed the British singles charts on Friday with three singles from his new album in the top five, a feat no other artist has managed since John Lennon. So, if Mark David Chapman hadn’t killed him, this probably would have done it.

8. Over 1,000 clowns performed during last week’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. The last time that many clowns got together in one place, Megyn Kelly was moderating.

9. Last week, firefighters in Germany had to drag a man out of a sex store that was on fire because he refused to leave his private video booth until he finished watching the porn film he had bought. But, to his credit, once he did, he was able to put out a very small part of the fire on his own.

10. Minor league home run king Mike Hessman says he is retiring after spending 19 years in the minors. “You had my attention at ’19 years’ and ‘minor,’” said Jared Fogle.

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