1. A Secret Service officer assigned to the White House was arrested after he was caught in a sting sending naked pictures of himself to someone he thought was a 14-year-old girl from Delaware. Authorities became suspicious of the officer when he said he was looking forward to taking a trip to Delaware.
2. This week, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie sign a law officially banning beastiality in the state. So now, if you’re ‘sleeping with fishes’ in New Jersey, you better be dead.
3. Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson said, if given the opportunity, he would not travel back in time and abort baby Hitler because he does not believe in abortion. Or, as Carson tells it, “I did travel back in time and chose not to.”
4. It was revealed this week that Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson owns a painting of himself and Jesus that hangs in his home. “Big deal, I got a photograph of me with the devil,” said Dick Cheney.
5. According to airline experts, around 25 million passengers are expected to fly home for Thanksgiving. What they don’t tell you is that 35 million people have booked tickets.
6. On Monday, Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush told the Huffington Post that, if given the opportunity, he would go back in time and kill baby Hitler. And, to make his life a little easier today, he would also go back in time and vote for Gore.
7. 50-year-old retired wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin told the Dallas Morning News he could quarterback the Cowboys until Tony Romo return from injury. And, in future news, New York Giant quarterback Eli Manning is out with a concussion after he rolled out on a 3rd and long and was hit over the head with a folding chair.
8. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump hosted “Saturday Night Live” over the weekend. Which seemed like an odd choice since Rand Paul is actually living in a van down by the river.
9. Last week, Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson said he would like to have a beer with Jesus. So that settles it, Jesus is never coming back.
10. Former President George H.W. Bush has a new autobiography coming out entitled “Destiny and Power.” Said former President Bill Clinton, “You know Destiny, too?”