10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Yesterday it was announced that China will ease family planning restrictions to allow all couples to have two children after decades of a strict one-child policy. But the country’s do-over policy if you have a girl still remains in effect.

2. Pop singer Justin Bieber abruptly canceled his concert in Norway on Thursday night after performing just one song. Fans called the concert “disappointing,” while music critics called it “still too long.”

3. On Monday, a dog named Trigger shot his owner in the foot. Even more impressive, it was a drive-by.

4. Italian Marco Schiavone won the 2015 European Footgolf Championship at a golf course in Spain on Sunday defeating Dutch professional Marcel Peeper. That story again, a record two people competed in the 2015 European Footgolf Championship.

5. On Monday, the World Health Organization said that eating processed meats like sausage or bacon can lead to bowel cancer in humans. The WHO then went on to say that Santa isn’t real, there’s no such thing as love and you were adopted.

6. A judge in Indiana has ruled that it is legal to take selfies while voting. So good luck explaining to people over 60 what selfies are and people under 30 what voting is.

7. Former Heisman Trophy winner Eddie George will star in “Chicago” for seven weeks on Broadway. Although, if you were casting a Heisman-winning running back to star in a play about murdering their significant other after catching them in bed with someone else, George wouldn’t have been my first call.

8. On Saturday, “Tonight Show” host Jimmy Fallon re-injured his right hand after tripping and falling at an event at Harvard. “Looks like the voodoo doll is working,” said Jay Leno.

9. This week Kabul University in Afgahnistan introduced a new course in women’s studies. On the first day the professor says “don’t let them” and then you graduate.

10. Disgraced former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle has paid out a total of $1 million to 10 of his victims. But, on the plus-side for Jared, since he has a punch-card, the eleventh victim is free.

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