1. U.S. Republican presidential candidate Bobby Jindal raised only $579,438 in the latest quarter. Even worse, $500,000 of it came from Donald Trump because he thinks it’s funny.
2. A new study found that people who take their coffee black are more likely to exhibit psychopathic traits. So tip to Starbucks baristas everywhere, make sure to get those people’s names right.
3. It was announced yesterday that Conan O’Brien will film an upcoming episode of his late night talk show in Armenia. O’Brien apparently wanted to go some place harder to find than TBS.
4. At a campaign event this week, Donald trump asked a young man who appeared to be Asian-American if he was from South Korea, to which the man replied “I was born in Texas.” To which Trump replied, “I didn’t know there was a Texas in South Korea.”
5. A Manhattan restaurant group said on Wednesday it will take the potentially revolutionary step in of eliminating tipping. “Way ahead of you,” said restaurants in Harlem.
6. Britain’s top court said on Wednesday, two women who claimed their ex-husbands tricked them into accepting smaller divorce settlements should have their cases re-examined to see if they should get more money. Said the ex-husbands, “Or you can take what’s behind door number 2!”
7. According to a new study, young mothers may be more likely to have unprotected sexual encounters with the fathers of their children, increasing their risk of repeat pregnancies. “Looks like daddy’s buying a new boat,” said the producers of MTV’s “Teen Mom.”
8. On Friday night, actor Shia LaBeouf was arrested in Texas for public intoxication. But, in the actor’s defense, he was reportedly doing research for his upcoming lead role in the yet untitled Shia LaBeouf bio-pic.
9. A Boston-area man is offering to ship a box full of autumn foliage to your doorstep for $19.99. Or, for free, he won’t.
10. On Sunday, the approximately 200-year-old Steinbach company, one of Germany’s largest producers of traditional wooden nutcrackers, filed for bankruptcy. But, on the plus-side, the now-out-of-work nutcracker employees are more than qualified to work on Hillary Clinton’s campaign.