10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. In a recent interview, actor Vin Diesel said the Fast and Furious movie franchise will wrap up after three more films. Now comes the hard for Diesel, counting to three.

2. Rapper Kanye West will preform at a Democratic National Committee fundraiser next week. Said Ted Cruz to Ben Carson, “Wait, I thought you were Kanye West.”

3. Embattled Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis had a secret meeting with the Pope while he was in the U.S. The face-to-face meeting strengthened Davis’s decision to not issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples and the Pope decision to be celibate.

4. In a recent interview, Donald Trump’s wife Melania said she “let’s Donald be himself.” Begging the question, what were the other terrible personality choices that she considered that the best option?

5. A contract signed by John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr sold at auction at Sotheby’s on Tuesday for over $550,000. It would have sold for more, but, like I said, it was signed by Ringo.

6. The leading Mixed Martial Arts promotion company on Monday filed a federal lawsuit against New York challenging the state’s ban on staging MMA events. The lawsuit is just one page and reads: Do you wanna take this outside, pussy?

7. The head of the World Squash Federation said he was devastated by Tokyo’s decision to not consider the sport for inclusion in the 2020 Summer Olympics. Which amazingly means that there are times when the head of the World Squash Federation looks around, takes stock of his life and isn’t devastated.

8. On Thursday night, a woman gave birth to a baby girl at Petco Field in San Diego during a Padres baseball game. Giving a new, graphic meaning to the phrase “seventh inning stretch.”

9. China’s President Xi Jinping told the U.N. on Sunday that all Chinese women have the opportunity to excel. Which I’m pretty sure is the same thing they told the contestants at the beginning of the Hunger Games.

10. According to a new study, men who perceive themselves to be less masculine according to traditional gender norms of society, and are feeling stressed about it, may be more prone to violent behavior. “That’s one route,” said Caitlyn Jenner.

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