10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Matt Damon has apologized after sparking an uproar in the season premiere of HBO’s “Project Greenlight,” which he produces with Ben Affleck, by explaining diversity in film to a black woman producer. But, in Damon’s defense, some of his best friend’s ancestors owned black people.

2. On Tuesday, to promote his new car show on CNBC, Jay Leno posed as an Uber driver and drove unsuspecting customers around L.A. Every ride ended with Jay taking the passengers to their destination, staying way too long and then refusing to leave.

3. New York Giants defensive end Jason Pierre Paul’s football career may be over after reports surfaced that he may be missing more fingers than initially suspected from his July 4th fireworks accident. Even worse, Paul’s back-up career plan of becoming a proctologist is also over.

4, Yesterday, a federal judge ruled that rapper Rick Ross cannot copyright the phrase “Everyday I’m hustlin’” because, according to recent pictures of the 300-plus pound rapper, he’s not.

5. On Tuesday, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos unveiled plans to build a rocket manufacturing plant and launch site in Florida. Because there’s no better motivation to make it to outer space than when the remaining option is staying in Florida.

6. Yesterday, Dreamworks announced that singer Justin Timberlake will star in its upcoming animated film “Trolls,” about the spiky-haired Danish dolls. “Well, my agent’s fired,” said Carrot Top.

7. Target said on Tuesday it has partnered with Instacart to deliver groceries over the internet for as little as $3.99 per order. Bringing Target even closer to its goal of not having to interact face-to-face with people who shop at Target.

8. Yesterday, it was announced that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be the new host of NBC’s “Celebrity Apprentice.” But, if Arnold plans to keep the tradition that Donald Trump established of firing contestants at the boardroom table surrounded by his children, they’re gonna need a bigger table.

9. It was reported on Monday, that Vice President Joe Biden held a secret meeting with Robert Wolf, a major fundraiser for President Obama and a current Hillary Clinton supporter. Holding secret meetings behind Hillary’s back, that sounds presidential to me, particularly one specific president.

10. Recently, presidential candidate Donald Trump told reporters that “we will have so much winning if I’m elected you may get bored of winning.” Proving that Trump doesn’t know how to properly pronounce the word ‘whining.’

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