10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. A 6-week-old girl is expected to make a full recovery after mistakenly being given baby formula mixed with vodka that resulted in a blood-alcohol level of 0.294. But, on the plus-side, she’s already been accepted to Arizona State University.

2. A new digital campaign called “Joke with the Pope” has launched encouraging people to submit jokes to Pope Francis to try to make him laugh. So far Rabbi Shmuley ben Yosef has the best joke which starts, “You and me walk into a bar…”

3. On Tuesday night, Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump was booed while attending the U.S. Open tennis championship. Trump would have been even angrier by the other things people yelled at him, but, luckily, he thought they were screaming “deuce.”

4. Yesterday, McDonald’s announced that it plans to serve only cage-free eggs in its 16,000 restaurants within the next decade. These cage-free eggs will replace McDonald’s current egg-free eggs.

5. According to a new study, 10% of men and women admit to having orgasms while exercising. So consider this your friendly reminder, that before working out, you should always wipe off the machine.

6. On Tuesday, United Airlines CEO Jeff Smisek resigned amid a federal probe of the airline. Luckily, since Smisek was paying attention beforehand, he knew exactly where the closest exits were.

7. While in D.C. for a meeting with President Obama, King Salman of Saudi Arabia reportedly rented out the entire Four Seasons hotel. And yet, somehow, his room was still next to the ice machine.

8. On Friday, Tom Brady’s father called into a San Francisco radio station to call NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell a liar. While Tim Tebow’s father called in because that’s where his son works now.

9. Tickets to attend Pope Francis’ appearance this month in Philadelphia are on sale for four-times their face value on eBay. Dishing out that kind of money for a ticket won’t leave Philly fans much cash to spend on batteries to whip at the Pope.

10. On Monday, at a rally in Pittsburgh, Vice President Joe Biden jogged back and forth across a downtown street to greet people accompanied by a chant of “Run Joe Run.” But that’s only because they forgot to close off the street to traffic.

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