10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton on Thursday said a two-state solution for Israel and the Palestinians was the only resolution to the conflict there. Hillary said she got the idea from her and Bill’s two-bed solution.

2. On Thursday, it was announced that Angeline Jolie will adapt a Cambodian author’s war memoir into a feature-length film for Netflix. Jolie agreed to the project after mishearing the word ‘adapt.’

3. This week, Donald Trump’s kids released a statement calling their father “a true visionary and mentor.” And, by mentor, I assume they mean they intend to follow in their father’s footsteps by inheriting their daddy’s money and pretending like they earned it.

4. According to a new study, the average donation to Democrat Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign is $145. Of which, on average, $100 is immediately donated to the presidential campaign of Donald Trump.

5. According to a new study, Bill and Melinda Gates are the world’s wealthiest couple. That story again, the richest man in the world married a woman named Melinda.

6. A surfing competition in South Africa was cancelled after a shark attacked one of the competitors. Begging the question, how can we get sharks to WNBA games?

7. On Tuesday, Ohio Governor John Kasich announced his candidacy for president, becoming the 16th Republican candidate in a already crowded field. Which means, in many historically red states, like Alabama and Mississippi, the Republican primary ballot will be the longest thing voters have ever read.

8. The New York Times reported on Saturday, in an old deposition, Bill Cosby said he had sexual relationships with at least five women and tried to hide the affairs from his wife. And, apparently, also the women.

9. According to Forbes, golfer Tiger Woods is the most overpaid athlete in the world. Upon hearing this, the Knicks immediately signed him to a 10-year contract.

10. Cyclist Chris Froome claims a spectator threw a cup of urine at him and yelled “doper” during Stage 14 of the Tour de France. Which serves as a lesson to all other riders to be more specific when you say your goal is to get the yellow jersey.

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