1. Yesterday police raided the house of Subway spokesman Jared Fogle on suspected child pornography charges. Apparently Fogle was really serious about getting himself into smaller sizes of pants.
2. Om Tuesday, celebrity chef Paula Deen tweeted out and then immediately deleted a picture of her standing next to her son who was dressed in blackface. Even worse, Deen originally posted the photo to prove that she had a black friend.
3. Former Virginia Governor Jim Gilmore said on Tuesday he would join the race for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination. Begging the question, is that a real person or did I just make him up?
4. According to a new study, use of indoor tanning beds is on the decline. I guess the industry couldn’t withstand the hit of Rachel Dolezal shamed into being white again.
5. On Tuesday, the Florida State Seminoles kicked De’Andre Johnson off the football team after a video surfaced of the quarterback punching a woman in a bar. Which can only mean one thing, Johnson is not their starting quarterback.
6. On Tuesday, Disney announced that a Star Wars prequel staring Hans Solo is in the works with a slated release date of May 25, 2018. Said Star Wars fans, “Luckily, I’m free May 25, 2018 … and every night until then.”
7. A judge ruled on Tuesday that Time Warner Cable must pay a customer $229,500 for placing 153 automated calls to her phone in less than one year. The company was able to get through to her that many times because her telephone service provider was not Time Warner.
8. A new trend among Palestinians is taking selfies in front of Al Aqsa, an 8th century Muslim holy site in Jerusalem. But, if you’re near the shrine and you hear someone with a heavy accent say “3, 2, 1,” you should probably get outta there just to be safe.
9. A man convicted of having sex on a public beach in Florida in front of a child was sentenced on Monday to 2 1/2 years in prison. But, on the plus side, the woman got off.
10. On Monday, Susannah Mushatt Jones, the world’s oldest person, turned 116. “Show off,” said the word’s second oldest person.